Sometimes you have to be selfish

There comes a time when you may think you are ready to move on, potentially start talking to someone or just start socialising after being with yourself for so long. You may get to a certain point in this process and realise it is not for you and at this point you can feel like the worst person in the world - I know I did. What made it worse is that some people just did not understand. 

abbwhi lifestyle

I knew I wanted to write this post for a while and I recently watched a video by Jake Boys about his current relationship status and why he made the decision he did for himself. He spoke about how amazing relationships are and how his previous partners have not done anything wrong but he made the decision that he needed to focus on himself. Even if you head on over to his channel and just read the caption on his video, it will help understand why I posted this post when I did too as it motivated me to get this written and posted for you all. 

How is this relevant to me? Let me tell you
It had been over a year since my last relationship, I was starting to feel like me again, I guess I felt as though I had my life together to some extent. At this point I made the decision to start speaking to someone, who was lovely and never did anything wrong, genuinely I could not fault him. I think it was potentially a month down the line and I instantly knew I could not cope with this any more, I was getting stressed and knew in myself that I just wasn't into it as much as I probably should of been. Like I said it was nothing to do with him but I just wasn't in the right headspace and it felt so unfair to lead him on when I could not give it 100%. I think something I still have to work on is that parts of my old relationship came with me into this situation and it did not help at all (I have never spoke about my old relationship on here because it does still bother me but one day I will). The worst part for me of this new situation was that he had done nothing wrong, it would of been so much easier if he was an ass but he wasn't, this was all on me and I felt like the worst person in the world. I quite literally had a breakdown to my parents because I felt so awful about it but I knew it was right; it was an added pressure I didn't need and that wasn't how it should of been, I should not of been getting this stressed and it was genuinely affecting my mental health more than I thought it would. I knew I couldn't be fully committed to the situation because I wasn't fully comfortable and confident in the position I was in, in myself with my own mindset and mentality. 

abbwhi lifestyle

Why is this important?
After this experience I realised why it is so difficult for us to make decisions sometimes. If you are anything like me then you care too much about other peoples feelings and put other people before you - which is great but please remember you are the only person who is always going to be there for yourself and you have to live with your decisions. Yes, loving someone is great but you always have the option to make decisions to change things and leave situations if you feel that things are not right. I think we sometimes worry so much about disappointing or letting other people down but if you are hurting and upsetting yourselves through this time, then it is not worth it. YOU are so important and like Jake said in the caption of his video, life is precious and you should spend it surrounded by people you want to be around and that make you happy - this sometimes means you have to be selfish and think about yourself and that is okay. 

There are also concepts within spiritual principles and psychology that radiate and encourage you to take care of yourself first before you are able to give to others, which I truly believe in because like I mentioned earlier you are the only person who is always going to be truly there 100%. Another important person who radiates a similar message is the Queen/King that is RuPaul, 'if you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else'. Both of these messages state how important it is to put yourself first which can involve you being a little selfish but it is okay to think about yourself. If being around certain people or doing something or being in a certain situation is making you unhappy, think about yourself and if you would be happier leaving then do that.   

abbwhi lifestyle

I know this post was a little rambley - whenever I feel passionate about something it always comes out as word vomit - but I hope that you understood what I was trying to get across because it is something that I had to do and I know how difficult it was for me BUT I am so much happier now

Much love 


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  1. I can't say I fully believe in the statement about having to love yourself before you can love someone else because i think sometimes other people can really help you to see your self worth, especially the right loving partner! But I do understand it is hard to find someone who is fully committed to that and it is important to be able to love yourself on your own. It is super difficult to make the decision to cut someone decent off but it's really good that you did it to put yourself first and the right person will come along when you're fully ready for it! It is totally necessary to be selfish sometimes as "you can't pour from an empty cup" as they say!
    Alice Xx

    1. Yes, I totally get this! I think sometimes it can be around if you have a lot going on in your own head or with yourself it is unfair to bring someone into that, i guess that is kind of what i wanted to get across too. Oh bless you, thank you Al! xx