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My experience coming off them pills

First and foremost, YAY it was my time to come off my medication and I know to some it wouldn't of seemed a long time being on them but to me it felt like forever. If you are a follower of my mental health journey then you will know the last year and a half has been a struggle but look at me now, I am finally happy and 'okay'. I am not going to say it was easy to come off my medication and I think it is important to discuss that part too. 

We are all so excited to come off them but it is difficult. 

I will voice that this is just my experience and I am very aware that each individual persons experience is so different. 

Through my time coming off my medication it started by my initial amount being halved and looking back now this bit was not that bad in relation to what I experienced 2 months later. I experienced several days of feeling lightheaded and almost as though I had a severe headache. Thankfully because I work in a place that does have a pharmacist, after a few days I was at work and did go and have a chat and literally was like 'is this normal?!' thankfully, they said yes! I think my biggest fear at this point is I do not want to have to stay on my medication and I was genuinely scared of them saying you should go back to your doctor. This was because to me, I was better, I didn't feel like I used to so I did not need my tablets anymore but was this my body telling me I wasn't ready? As you can imagine when I was told this was a normal side effect and it was just my body readjusting to not having that medication, I was relieved! After a few days this did subside and I started to feel 'normal' again (I put this in quotation marks because there is no such thing but I guess it is an easy way to explain).

abbwhi mental health

If only this could be said for the next part of this journey. This was the part when it was the hardest for sure and it truly knocked me about. I have experienced days before when I accidentally forgot to take a tablet and you feel a bit all over the place so I kind of expected that but I don't think anything could of prepared me. This was let's say as my dad says 'cold turkey' happens - there is no medication there, you just have to cope. Honestly the first day I didn't have my medication I felt like the absolute biggest boss ever, I felt as though I had my life together - if only this could of lasted. The following day it started to go downhill and I did not know what to do. I remember just constantly saying to my mum 'my head hurts', 'I've got a bad head'. I remember I used to say 'not depression head but it just hurts', she seemed to understand what this meant in relation to the explanations I've given her before of 'depression head'. 

I thought maybe this would only happen for this one day but it didn't, it lasted longer.   

That constant dizziness and lightheaded feeling seems as though it is never going to leave and for a few days I didn't think it ever would. It got to a point where I didn't leave the house for days and I couldn't drive because I could barely walk around without feeling faint. My parents actually had to drive me to work because otherwise I couldn't of gone. I remember my Nan wanted to take me out for food and it was on day 5 I believe of me being completely 'cold turkey' and I managed to go for the meal and about half an hour after I started to feel bad and had to go home. It is such a horrible time because all you want to be doing is celebrating you are off them but you are still recovering and partaking in part of your journey. I will say, I think it was between day 8 and day 10 when I started gradually feeling better and the second I started feeling better from then on it was all worth it. 

abbwhi mental health

Today marks 3 and a half weeks since being off my medication and I can genuinely say I have never felt better. I feel the most 'me' that I have felt in a very very long time. The whole journey of coming off my medication is so worth it for how I feel right now. I think it is so important to discuss the journey of coming off my medication because I feel as though it is not really spoke about and it is something that I was not expecting or prepared for in reality for what it was. I think something that is so important to state is that if you do for any reason need to go back on the medication it does not mean you are a failure in the slightest because that is something I was fearing and thinking about a lot through this process. I have also been doing a lot of reading online for after coming off medication and the likelihood of going back on them and I am completely and utterly okay for if I do ever need to go back on them in the future - I know that I am not a failure and it is just part of my journey. 

I am just proud of where I am right now and I think it is important to treasure these moments. Talking about moments to be treasured, this is why I also so happy that I got my semi-colon tattoo to remind me of this journey that has took over the last year and a half of my life but it is a constant reminder of how far I have come. 

I would love to know any of your experiences and if we shared any similarities in our journeys?!

Much love 

x


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